Current location:	home
Current mood:	frustrated
Current music:	All At Once- The Fray
Entry tags:	angry, boys, country, leann rimes, school

Ah, how my ears bleed...in theory

                So, yeah, I don't want to sleep...DON'T JUDGE ME! :-P I like yelling that. It really makes people stop and shut up. Unless they're like me. Then they just rise above the challenge. I know no limits, I really don't. Especially when fighting/arguing. I HAVE TO BE RIGHT AND WIN! I DO NOT LOSE! It's just not in me to lose. If I do, I get severly annoyed. I love that about myself as horrible as it is. It's just so damn amusing to me when I think about it. Anywho...

              B/C I like to think I have a sense of humor, I started playing LeAnn Rimes's "Leaving's Not Leaving" when Liz signed off AIM. Hahahahahahahahahaha! Yesh, country, which I normally DETEST TO THE EXTREME! I really should do this more often, it's highly amusing to me. 

             I really do love my icons too much. I think that's why I'm posting so freaking much. Or, b/c I like to post and talk and talk about what I'm thinking. I think there's something in that last sentence. Maybe it's b/c I'm using as much of my brain as I can before I start the numbing process for school. Yes, I KNOW numbing my brain is HORRID AND INEXCUSABLE but I CAN NOT TAKE LIFE if I DON'T. I seriously can't. I am quite serious to a degree when I thing if I didn't numb myself down a little I would become mentally unstable. *thinks back to being suicidal* Which is somewhere I DO NOT EVER want to go again! I am still not that comfortable talking about it or why I was like that, I don't like how it tends to make people look at me after I say that I almost killed myself. They just, GAH! STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT! I USED PAST TENSE PEOPLE! <------ I'D LOVE TO YELL THAT AT THEM! But I don't think I've told enough people to be allowed. And most of the ones I told I don't think remember or took me seriously; which in itself makes me want to stab a pillow. 

            *SIGH* I really feel like hating something for some balance in my life. I don't think I hate anything and it's starting to throw me off. WILL SOMEONE PLEASE PISS ME OFF?! Goddamn it all the fucking hell! :X *feels better posting that*

              I should stop swearing. I really should, but it's like my only outlease for all my anger. And I have more anger than I should. I wonder if that's b/c I've been stuck with only my thoughts all summer or what? *kicks* Swearing is the signs of a weak mind trying to express itself. I really do think I have a weak mind. I don't get why people say I'm smart. Sure, I'm smarter than they are but that's not saying much considering the people I live around. >.< GAH! GAH! GAH! GAH! *growls* If I could cut my anger in 1/2 I'd be SO much happier. 

              I want to meet an intelligent boy. Does such a thing exist? Really? Does it?  

                                           
                                                                                            ~mj~